Woof

Hey yall, so I'm updating.  I'll give a full report of thanksgiving a little bit later, I am working on the pictures I took so that it will be a really interesting post.  I had a great time in Maryland, and I loved getting to spend the holiday with David and his family, it couldn't have been any better.  So I'll break that down when I get time. 

Right now I am extremely short on that entity, time.  Little Women opened last night, and I think it went really well.  Since I have been in production for the last two weeks most of my life has gone beyond my control, and I have been controlled by my overloaded schedule.  Especially this week as we have been running the show, I haven't been released until after 11 o'clock yet, and so I'm getting home incredibly late.

The weird thing is the fact that I don't do a lot in this show.  I don't mean that in a diva sort of way, I like my part and I like what I'm doing in the show, and the last few nights I have been very satisfied with my time on stage.  But I have a lot of down time during each run, because I am a dancing shadow about a half hour into the show, and then I come back for the top of Act 2.  So there are long mulitple hour breaks in my night.  It's a weird feeling that I am so busy, but at the same time it feels like I'm not doing anything.

To fill up all the empty time I have been burning through the Twilight series, and I can officially say that I am beyond the point of obsessed now, these books are like a drug.  Someone in the cast asked me the other day why I like them so much and the reason I cited was that they are written at an eighth grade reading level, are suspensful, but predictable, making it that much more satisfying to read.  I'm already on the last book and just started reading them about a week ago.  frankly I just want to finish this book and move on, because it's absorbing too much of my attention.

I had a voice lesson last night, and my teacher, gary, asked me (as he usually does) at the top of my lesson how I was doing.  And I sat and I reflected on it for a few moments, because I didn't know how to answer that question.  the last few weeks, and especially in the last few days I have felt incredibly emotional, and really all emotions in a very intense and vibrant way.  Yesterday when I was in class I got incredibly giddy and high energy and then I was slap happy, then I got really quiet and sad and angry and frustrated and tired and wired.  I don't know what is going on in my emotional structure right now.

I also haven't felt very much like talking to people recently.  The last few days I have really wanted time by myself, and I credit it to the fact that I don't have much alone time, I'm always around people.  And usually that is exactly what I crave, for example a few weekends ago I got really depressed when I was feeling incredibly lonely.  Now I just want to be by myself.  And sleep.  I just want to sleep.

I think that my body and my subconscious are trying to send me clues about something, like I should be concentrating on something in particular, but I can't for the life of me figure what that is.  I know that there are a lot of changes happening in my life, and that a lot more are in the near and immediate future, and I am suspicious that I am supressing a lot of anxiety right now, and maybe this is just how I am subconsciously trying to bring myself to start dealing with my future.

That may be, but for right now, I just want to get through the next 14 days.  Two weeks from today is when I shall be home.  I miss it.  I get to see David a lot in the next two weeks, he comes up here this weekend and I go down to NYC next weekend.  And then I get to go home, so it seems like there is a lot for me to look forward to, which is partly why I also feel incredibly excited everymorning when I wake up.

I don't think that this makes any sense because I don't make any sense to myself.  BLAH!

Done.