5 posts from February 2009

Still Cranky

Feb 24, 2009
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I have been really cranky the last few days. The other day at rehearsal I had to stop talking to people because I was just biting people's heads off, and for no reason. I was just real grumpy. I'm just not having fun in the show and it is all culminating now and it's bad news bears. The show is kind of exhausting because I change everytime I come off stage, then I have to be prepared to make scene changes, and I do so much waiting, and then I don't do anything on stage, so it feels like I'm doing a whole bunch of work that never culminates in anything.

On the upside, because my last two entries have been really scattered and kind of depressing, I am getting a lot of reading done, because I sit on my butt through so much of the show. I finished the last Inheritence book (the eragon series) as well as The Last Lecture, and I am in the middle now of A Thousand Splendid Suns. I'm running by Barnes and Nobel later to pick up the first Golden Compas book, because you just can't beat young adult fantasy.

The annoying thing about reading during this show, is that I never have any real extended amount of time to read. I always have to be prepared to jump up and change the set, and have to keep one ear open to where we are in the scene as well.

You knwo what doesn't help a rehearsal, getting out of rehearsal at 11, and then walking home from the T when it is 15 degrees with a BITING wind. It makes me much grumpier.

I feel out of whack. I haven't been to the gym in a few days, and I haven't been to dance (I chose to sleep instead yesterday). I'm about to leave for ballet, and then I think I have to get to the gym just to run for a while. I'm freaking somehting out.

Part of my anxiety comes from thoughts of my future that creep into my mind from time to time, and I feel I'm not being proactive, I'm not taking initiative or anything, and then I get all upset, and then I'm like when am I supposed to find auditions to go to? The five minutes I'm home everyday? Senior year can be a stressful time.

Spring break is also stressing me out, because I feel I need to be auditioning when I'm in New York but I haven't had time to find any yet. And so as it gets closer I just feel guilty, and so it doesn't feel like it's going to be a break, I'm just nervous about it. Oh I feel a mess.

I also have NOT been in the mood to tlak to people lately. Partly because every time I open my mouth something negative seems to spill out, and also because I'm just not wanting to deal with the things that are plaguing my conscience at the moment, I prefer to ignore them and brood in silence. Healthy? Not so much. But that's also why I need to go running to burn off all these emotions that just keep building and building up inside of me.

I also should not have chosen this week to start drinking coffee again, I think it's just throwing my body for an extra loop that it is unprepared to handle.

Oh I feel like a bit of a mess.

I really want to end this blog on a positive up note, but I'm not coming up with anything more to say, positive or negative, I just feel spent and out of words. I'm going to go running today (I know it's the third time I've said that, but I'm really excited for it)

Also yall, the mane, pure majesty. No other word for it. It might now be the longest it has ever been.

No Title

Feb 22, 2009
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So I will try a not so retarded entry now. This last week and weekend have been really strange, I have no other way of really describing it. I actually feel like last week kind of passed in a blur, and then all of a sudden Friday came.

This weekend I was determined to go out. I have been such an old man since I got back to school, I haven't really been spending much time with my friends because I have been so tired and just wanting to go home whenever i have the opportunity. So I haven't had what I would call a very "college weekend" in a long time.

Friday, I ended up going out to see Coraline. I went with Ross and Charlotte and we got some drinks before, and then saw the movie in 3D! I don't really get why a whole bunch of movies are now all of a sudden being done in 3D, but I think it really works for this film. First of all it was subtle the way it was done, and the movie also has such a uniquely kind of beautiful look to it which was kind of fantastic to begin with.

However, the movie is terrifying. Like legit it feels like a nightmare I have had at some point in my life. Both the cartoony look of it, and then everything that happens, and the total loss of control the main character experiences, it was not PG in my opinion. But also, I did think it was really good.

Yesterday was the beginning of tech for Much Ado, which is a happy thing because it means we are almost to the performances which means the show is close to an end. I'm really excited for Whorehouse to start, Much Ado just hasn't been that much fun. The lack of fun continued at tech yesterday which was one of the slowest moving ones I have ever been a part of. And usually when teching a show, as an actor I know I need to be ready to work at a certain time for the scenes I'm in. But since I make all the scene changes, I have to be on guard the entire time, which is really tiring. And then running the changes over and over again because one thing isn't right was wearing.

So after the day of tech, a group of us went to the Intermission Tavern to get a few drinks. And that was really fun, a great time out with some cool people, including a bunch I didn't really know. And then we ended up in Beacon Hill with the most varied Smorgesbourg of people I could imagine. But it was a really fun night, and I ended up not getting home until around 2:30 in the morning, which for me, is about 4:30 hours after I would have been in bed if I had done what I thought I wanted.

I'm suffering a little bit for my decisions this weekend today, it's early, I'm groggy and less than in best condition having to go to another day of tech. But, I'm glad I went out. I'm almost out of school and I don't really like being out alte or partying, but I don't want to miss that part of my college experience. Having a few friends over for a nice gathering is much more tempting then going out with random new people til all hours. I'm babbeling, and there's no need, I had fun but I think I'm going to need a while to recharge.

This morning I also woke up in a really strange mood where I feel really isolated. I don't knwo why but I just feel kind of lonely at the moment, which is strange since I've been around so many people recently, and will be again for most of the day, and also my mind was doing a job on me when I started thinking about how close I am to graduating and how I don't know what I'm doing after that. It's a scary thought that hit me today, and I'm too tired to do anything about it.

Well I'm out, I'm really not in my body right now and I think I need to stretch a little to get ready for the day. Hope everyone is doing well :)

Not much time

Feb 20, 2009
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Tonight is my night off! I finally have one!!!!

I am already a little tipsy, I'm seeing Coreline tonight, (however you spell it) I managed to finally clean my room, it was disgusting and literally had a layer of dirt.

I'm glad yall like my headshot! "Wholesome" is pretty much what I need right now ;)

This was a disjointed entry with little point, but, at least its an update.

I'm also 50 pages away from finishing the third book in the Inheritance series!

Love to all!

Real Quick

Feb 10, 2009
4 comments

I don't have time to really post, because I have to be off to work here in a few minutes, but I don't want to allow myself to go a whole month before I have a chance to post again.

I woke up today in a really good mood, and decided to dress up a bit today. Everyone in AZ doesn't get a chance to see this, but by virtue of how busy and sweaty I get during my days here I rarely take any effort to dress nicely. I do my hair maybe once a week, otherwise it is up in a hat (which it still is today, baby steps)

One of the reasons I think I'm in a good mood is because I actually had a pretty good day yesterday. I felt really well rested after the weekend, and I went to bed really early sunday evening (not night) so I felt really engaged in my classes, and then even though rehearsal was kind of rough because everyone didn't want to be there, we were let out early, so I got to bed at a reasonable hour last night too.

I also have had a lot of energy recently. I credit it to the fact that I am taking such large amounts of protein right now. My goal is for Whorehouse to put on 10 pounds (in three months) and I am about 3-4 pounds on my way to that goal (for the record my weight fluctuates such an obscene amount I can't even tell what my actual weight is. A week ago I was 154, yesterday I was 151, and a week ago I was 150). But high energy, well rested, dressed nicely, I am off to tackle today which I am very optomistic about because I don't have rehearsal tonight, so I should be home early enough to make me some spaghetti (and I finally found turkey meatballs!) and then call my parents whom I have neglected this past week.

Love to everyone, especially the aforementioned ;)

About Bloody Time

Feb 8, 2009
3 comments

The title to this post has to be said in an English accent or else the effect is completely lost.

So it has been a very long time since my last post and I apologize, I was good there for like two weeks and then it all went to pot. Anyway, the semester is off and rolling and I do not understand how I can possibly be as busy as I have been these last few weeks. I frankly find it a little ridiculous. As a senior, I find myself cast in multiple shows, while my workload is approaching the point of back breaking while I am trying to start my life so that I'm not caught off guard by the real world in five months when I graduate.

I'm also in a show right now that has been a little frustrating. I'm in the ensemble of Much Ado About Nothing, and I am doing nothing in the show, except move set pieces. That is actually an exaggeration, I'm essentially an extra in all the group scenes (there are four of us) and so I am given free reign to do whatever I want in those scenes, which is kind of fun, because I'm having a lot of fun with the freedom.

But then we are being called for full rehearsals because they need us to move the set in between scenes. A waste of my time. I had a slight breakdown when I was supposed to have Thursday night off, and on wednesday night I got an email telling me I had been added to the rehearsal schedule because they wanted to work scene changes. For what Emerson stage is (the production wing of the performing arts department) I wouldn't mind moving the set for the show if they taught me all the changes during tech (when it's supposed to happen) and didn't waste five of my nights a week teaching me something I will have to relearn when we get the actual set during tech.

I got really frustrated by it this week because I was falling so far behind on my work, and I had so many things I needed to get done (like grocery shop, which I hadn't done for three weeks, per lack of time) and then I ended up coming down with an allergy attack/cold, and that just didn't make matters any better. I'm also a little overwhelmed by my schedule because I don't have any days to sleep in, and I'm getting to bed so late. I work any morning I'm not at class, so I've not been getting adequate amounts of rest this week either.

BUT, today was my first full day off since I got back to Boston! And I have been so productive! I went to the gym, and then I ran some errands, and then I got back and ran to the store so that I would have the rest of the day off to recharge. I have no intention of staying up past 10 tonight (not that I have the last two nights)

So I think I am also anxious because graduation is coming up. It's all subconscious because I am mentally extremely stoked for graduating, and especially after weeks like I had I can't wait to be out of Emerson. But I think underneath I am a little scared. But the uncertainty of the future is part of the adventure of graduating, so I still maintain a positive outlook on the whole thing.

I got to see David last weekend too (finally). He came up a week ago last wednesday and then got to stay until early sunday morning. I hadn't seen him for over a month which is the longest I had ever gone without seeing him in the almost two years we have been together. It was a wonderful recharge to see him again. But then I had a small cry when he left, and I think that launched me into the overly emotional world I have occupied over the last week.

So, this is a completely different topic. Shrek opened on broadway at the end of last year, and I REALLY want to see it, and with free time earlire this morning I was online and found some bootlegs of the show, and I stumbled upon this one song that I am obsessing over, it's call "Who I'd Be" and Shrek sings it at the very end of act 1, and it's so pretty and then the lyric touches me.

Or I could be a poet

And tell a different story

One that tells of glory

and wipes away the lies

And to the skies I'd throw it

The stars would do the telling

The moon would help with spelling

And night would dot the i's.

I'd write a verse, recite a joke

With perfect wit and timing

Confess my heart with all I yearn

And do it all while rhyming.

You all may not appreciate it, but this is the kind of poetic lyric that I really love. I love imagery above all other linguistic devices because of the bright colors of emotion that they evoke from my imagination.

I hope this works, I'm gonna try and post the video